In the first haiku, I tried to use katakana emphatically. The poem is about wanting something that belongs to someone else, and so i tried to use katakana for the word きれい, or beautiful, to demonstrate how strong the speaker's feeling toward the flower is. In the second, I used the word chili sauce, which is borrowed from English. I also used the word fire, which I meant both as a loan word from English, and also as an onomatopoeia, as if to represent the shout of the person who at the chili sauce.
I really like your poems, especially the second one. :-)
I'm a little confused about who you're talking to in the first poem. Since ください is an imperative, it seems you can either be talking to your friend (in which case, it's weird but not too bad to say ともだちのはな) or you are asking someone else/ general space to give you your friend's flowers. It's not bad, it just gives me pause (of course, many poets do this type of thing deliberately).
As I said, I really like the second poem. The "fire" line is very nice. I don't think of that as onomatopoeia even if it represents the person shouting about the chili sauce, but it is still really nice, both as a line and as an atypical use of katakana.
In the first haiku, I tried to use katakana emphatically. The poem is about wanting something that belongs to someone else, and so i tried to use katakana for the word きれい, or beautiful, to demonstrate how strong the speaker's feeling toward the flower is.
ReplyDeleteIn the second, I used the word chili sauce, which is borrowed from English. I also used the word fire, which I meant both as a loan word from English, and also as an onomatopoeia, as if to represent the shout of the person who at the chili sauce.
I really like your poems, especially the second one. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm a little confused about who you're talking to in the first poem. Since ください is an imperative, it seems you can either be talking to your friend (in which case, it's weird but not too bad to say ともだちのはな) or you are asking someone else/ general space to give you your friend's flowers. It's not bad, it just gives me pause (of course, many poets do this type of thing deliberately).
As I said, I really like the second poem. The "fire" line is very nice. I don't think of that as onomatopoeia even if it represents the person shouting about the chili sauce, but it is still really nice, both as a line and as an atypical use of katakana.
いいですね！！！ Especially love the second Haiku! Very well done!
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